What else do we have to do?

I had one very strong impression after the Relief Society General Broadcast a couple weeks ago: I need to be a better person. There were other things, but that is what it all boils down to.

This past week I have spent every day thinking, "I need to be a better person. I need to be a better person." For me that includes trying not to judge others (even subconsciously), do my visiting teaching, think about people who may need help and call or write them, be patient and loving at home, be aware of member missionary opportunities, not complain, and serve whenever possible.

I have to admit that, while some of those things ARE natural, I generally had to actively keep them at the front of my mind. It just gets so easy to be consumed with everyday things and become too busy to do the things we SHOULD do. I'm trying to keep our house clean, do the chores, spend time with my husband, and build a business. 

Starting a business has been especially time-consuming for me. I have rented a double booth at a craft fair coming up in 2 weeks, and have been working like a dog to think of innovative ideas and products to fill the booth with and how to display them. Ugh... it's taking a lot of work and a lot of time! I often can't sleep because of all the ideas and stress I have, and will get up in the middle of the night to go into my office and get more work done. That leaves me more tired and less productive during the day, so I feel like I haven't done much work and am too guilty to sleep... a vicious cycle. But that's my life right now. 

In fact, I had even thought of a new product idea and what I would have to do to make it while Pres. Uchtdorff gave his talk on simplifying our lives. Was he talking to me, as I sat there thinking about the errands I had to run before I forgot my idea? 

So you understand why it took so much effort to actively think of others and push away those selfish, work-horse inclinations. 

The missionaries must have been in tune to my prayer and efforts to make more time to be a better person, because they kept me pretty busy this week! We had correlation meeting Wed. night, then I had a RS Pres meeting that last almost 2 hours after that. I signed up to accompany them to teach a sister on Friday, and Thursday they asked if I would be willing to teach another before the original appt. Thursday night I didn't sleep AT ALL, and I was tempted to call the Elders to tell them I wasn't feeling well and could only go to one of the two appts-- they could choose which one. But I didn't do that, I felt strongly that I should help them. 

The first lesson was with a new investigator who had a lot of questions about the Book of Mormon. She was very less-than-convinced it was real, and voiced her opinions, which really stung. The next lesson, though, was an investigator with a baptismal date who is progressing WONDERFULLY. She said the exact opposite of things the first woman had said, and it really strengthened my testimony to contrast the two lessons. I had definately needed that, even though it took a few precious hours out of my day. 

Saturday night I was, again, planning to catch up on work to get ready for the craft fair coming up and going out of town. I had extensive plans of what to work on while Ben was away at Priesthood Session, but that afternoon the Elders called and asked if I would be willing to babysit the two kids of a single investigator who wanted to go. "Sure", I said, "What else do I have to do?"

I wasn't trying to be sarcastic.  I honestly realized I had nothing better to do than help someone else-- especially someone trying to learn more about the gospel and watch our prophet.

It just didn't matter what else I had planned on doing, how stressed I felt about getting everything done, or anything else. All that mattered was that I was being asked to do someone a favor that would spread the Kingdom of God. 

It may have taken me a hard week to figure out, but the bottom line is that, if we really want to "Try a little harder to be a little better" we need to have "nothing else to do" (despite whatever else we have to do) to spread the Kingdom of God. 

I love to see the temple...

Ok, seriously, we have to talk about how awesome the temple is. Here's my contribution.... IT ROCKS!

I know the temple is a very spiritual, holy place and I'm not trying to sound like I don't respect it. I just feel really excited about it right now because I had the best night at the temple. 

(The temple is God's house on Earth. His spirit dwells there consistently and it is only in that holy, sacred of a building that essential ordinances can be performed, some for ourselves, some for those who have died without the opportunity to do it themselves including baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, washing and annointings (think Aaron and Moses here), endowment, and sealings. All necessary to enter God's presence.) 

Ben and I have been going to the temple once a week since we got engaged. I work close to the temple which encourages us to meet there, and it has been such a blessing to us-- helping us grow closer to each other and Heavenly Father. The longest ordinance to perform for those who have passed on is the Endowment (requiring 2 hours for one person v. 8 or so people in one hour for the others), so I often feel guilty if we perform a different ordinance. So we usually do an Endowment session when we attend the temple. 

Tonight Ben suggested we do washing and annointings instead. There is only room for three women to participate in that service at a time, so I was one of three tonight. A fourth came in half an hour later to join us, so I retreated so she could have a turn. As I was dressing out of the uniform I was asked by an ordinance worker (someone who has been asked to be a volunteer at the temple) if I would join a sealing session that was already in progress. So, ladies and gentlemen, I got to do washings and annointings AND sealings in one night! Two different ordinances for many different women! It felt so wonderful to be a part of so much good being done. 

YAY TEMPLE WORK!!!

When I finished I went to the women's dressing room to change back to my original clothing and talked with a volunteer who'd been assigned to keep an eye on the dressing room. 

"It took me a long time to realize the men don't have someone who stays in the dressing room." -Volunteer

"Then why do we?" -Me

"Oh because they asked me to."

"Well good for you for just doing what you're told."

"That's the only way to work for the Lord."

What a good point. I'm going to remember that. 

Sincere Service

Last Friday my fiance and I went to go to our local rock climbing gym to climb together. I really enjoy rock climbing, I’ve looked forward to him teaching me more techniques, and I really like this gym, but that night I was not excited to be going. We met there and all I could think about on the drive were excuses to not stay. he was so excited when we met up, though, and I decided to climb anyway. Well… We left the gym two hours later and my car window was smashed in and my purse stolen from inside.

I was bugged at first (I had just bought that car only five days earlier for goodness sake!), but the police explained that the gym borders woods where local homeless camp. They were 99% sure someone homeless had broken into my car (as they said happens for just the change left in the center console) and that we may even find my purse thrown away somewhere.

That made me feel so much better, then guilty. I had a lot of cash in my purse, and I would rather someone who needs it have taken it instead of a bored gym attendee. I felt guilty, though, because I feel like something of mine may have helped someone else for no effort on my part. I was glad to be helping, but it had happened to me. Not because of me. Why should I be proud of helping someone with no physical effort or intention on my part?

We get lessons all the time in church (especially RS) about being Christlike and doing service. Everyone always gives the standard answers—Go to church, help other people, be a good example, do missionary work—and I always think, “Yeah, but are you really doing it or does it just make us all feel like we’re doing our part to talk about it?” And we pat ourselves on the back for being members of a service organization.

It started to kick in to me in a more active way after my purse was stolen. See, I love doing service, but I always feel like I have to immerse myself in it to make a difference. I moved to Cambodia to volunteer and live in an orphanage. Service opportunities literally surrounded me. Same thing with being a missionary: My entire day was serving others. Before Cambodia I worked at a non-profit where all my co-workers were actively trying to make our community better. What I realized the other day is that it is so much harder to do service while living an ordinary life. We get so comfortable in our daily routines that we don’t recognize service opportunities. We aren’t opposed to them and chipping in when we can, but we just don’t see them.

I am around six people every day—the three members of the family I work for, my mom, and my fiance. Oops, make that five people a day. How can I do service when I’m in just two locations—their house and my house—and around only five people?

Well, maybe I can’t. In those circumstances. I have to make new circumstances. Right? It takes effort! If I really want to help the homeless I can’t just sit back and let them vandalize and steal my property. I need to sincerely and attentively work at it! That means finding the time, thinking of a plan of action, and fulfilling it. I can still immerse myself in service even though my day isn’t automatically organized that way. It just takes action and effort.

Phew. I’m embarrassed to admit how long that took to figure out…

Christmas Miracles

I'll be the first to admit I'm sort of a Holdiay Sourpuss. I have a few theories as to why, but those aren't important right now. What's important is to know that the last few years (especially) I really haven't enjoyed the holidays, but this year I recognized that inclination and earnestly tried to change it.

I firmly believe in daily miracles and our power to be angels on earth, so I tried to think of some over Christmas to help me recognize the Christ in Christmas in our home. Though MANY things went wrong, here are some of what went right (just to prove I fulfilled the experiment):

*My sister, her kids, and my brother all traveled here safely
*No one cried when we took all five grandkids to visit Santa
*I felt really inspired while giving a Christmas sacrament meeting talk
*Two friends got engaged
*There was another mixer available when Mom broke the first one making cookies (too bad some of the broken glass accidentally got cooked into a few cookies...)
*The right mouse button isn't stuck on the computer anymore (but now we have to use the mouse instead of the touchpad!)
*Drew really enjoyed our cookie decorating tradition (by eating the frosting off the knife)
*The kids had a lot of fun with the love log Mr. Wonderful brought over (by jumping on it until foam came out)
*Mr. Wonderful and I both gave each other gifts hand-made from materials that are important to us (We learned that I'm sentimental, and he's a true business nerd)
*I"M GOING TO WICKED!!!
*Thanks to modern-day technology we were able to video-conference my sister in from the comp to the TV to watch us open presents Christmas morning (no jokes, this one was seriously a miracle)
*Mr. Wonderful spent THREE WHOLE DAYS with me!!!!! (I think going to work every day is really over-rated)
*The Chinese buffet was open on Christmas night when our turkey didn't thaw and it was actuallly pretty good....
*I talked to a few of Mr. Wonderful's family over the phone for Christmas and met his brother and sister-in-law. They are AWESOME! (no jokes about this one, either)
* Older sis and I both felt pretty sick but got over it in 24 hours :)
*Mom bought Mr. Wonderful his own matching Christmas stocking and the whole family really embraced his being around for Christmas (I'm convinced a few of them like him more than me, actually)

Ok, ok... I'm done being sappy. Time for jokes! Here are some of my favorite quotes from this weekend:

"Um... guys.... the oven is on fire. What should I do?" --Mr. Wonderful

"He's creating."-- nephew

"What did you make the SC flag out of? A star? Give me a star." --older bro

"We're paying for his movie and his dinner. He can take the trash out!"-- older bro

"Are you going commando?"-- Mom
"I don't know, but I'm not wearing any underwear!" -- nephew

"We should be figure skaters." -- me

"I didn't cry when we saw Santa!!!!" -- niece

"Don't make cookies with glass in them and then lie about it." -- older Bro

"The turkey is still frozen. Now what?" -- Bro-in-law

"How do you say 'Sorry' in Chinese?"-- me
"I already said it three times. She says it's ok." -- Mr. Wonderful

"There's a little bag attached! Open the little bag!!" - Bro-in-law

"It's spelled Wassel but it's pronounced Wa-Sail." -- nephew

"I hope you guys aren't like this next year..." --mom to me and Mr. Wonderful
"What is she saying about us, Baby?" -- me
"There are too many things..." --Mom
"Air five!" -- friend

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Nothing's Impossible...

Personal confession time...

I am pretty bad at having daily scripture study. There. I said it. I LOVE the scriptures and have a testimony of their truthfulness and personal examples of their help, but I happen to be much more drawn to the guidance given through our modern-day leaders. Yes, I know that talks from General Authorities are considered modern-day scripture so technically it counts, but I can't help reaching for the General Conference Ensign over my quad when it's study time :(

This morning (study is so much more effective when you are awake, alert, and able to spend the rest of the day processing it, don't you think?) I, once again, reached for that Ensign. I flipped to a random talk I hadn't yet re-read and it was one by Jorge Zeballos, of the Seventy. I realized that some of my most memorable and favorite talks are from members of the Seventy. Is it because they have been waiting their whole lives to say that ONE THING? B-Dawg, my awesome sister, pointed out that they are often shorter, too, which makes every sentence packed with inspiration. But I digress...

The talk today was titled "Attempting the Impossible" and I found it so inspiration it warrants its own blog entry (for both of you who read it...)

It states that it feels impossible to follow the command to be perfect, but it is possible because Heavenly Father KNOWS and LOVES us.

1. KNOWS: Because he knows us He 'does not expect that we do what is waht we cannot achieve. The command to become perfect, as He is, encourages us to achieve the best of ourselves, to discover and develop the talents and attributes with which we are blessed by a loving Eternal Father, who invites us to realize OUR POTENTIAL AS CHILDREN OF GOD. He knows us; He knows of our capacities and our limitations.'


2. LOVES: Because he Loves us He will help us. "We are not alone. The most marvelous and powerful helps from which a human being may seek are ALWAYS available. First is the generous and loving hand of the Eternal Father, who desires that we return to His presence forever. As our Father, He is always willing and desireous to forgive our errors and weaknesses and the sins we may commit."

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know about you, but I'm relieved.

Inspiration and knowledge come to both our hearts and our heads, right? Well... the information in this talk was something I have heard before and understood in my HEAD, but reading today really touched my HEART. It is not impossible to achieve perfect. We simple have to try our BEST.

The Heavenly Father who created you knows what your BEST is. Don't try to fool Him.

The measure of our creation...

Yesterday I was playing with my niece and nephew on my sister's outdoor swing set. I took a picture of us all playing with my phone and sent it to a friend. He was at work, and texted back how envious he was of my freedom to play with children while he was stuck in an office. I returned the text saying that there were plenty of benefits of being a "workin' man". My list was long, and it seemed that I was envious of his opportunity to reach concrete goals and leave the office at the end of the day while he was envious of my freedom to meander through the day playing and being with the children.

It occurred to me then that we have different roles in life. Different expectations. Different "measures of creation."

Is he fulfilling his?

If I were to be a stay-at-home mom when I have my own children would I fulfill mine?

How does he know what the measure of his creation is? How in the world do I know what mine is?

I have so many interests. So many talents. I've never been satisfied with just one thing. At this point I'm at a crossroads in life of trying to figure out what I do want to pursue and where and with whom, and I find my options overwhelming. I could do anything. I could go anywhere. If only it had been my lifelong dream to be a stay-at-home mother... It's something I am beginning to appreciate and see the benefits of, but my passion? Satisfying? I don't know.

Will I let down my Heavenly Father if I settle for one role in life over another? What if I've misunderstood my purpose? Or my Earthly mother... She has such high hopes for me. She is so proud of what I've accomplished so far in my life. Will I disappoint her? Would she ever feel that the time, money, tears, resources, hugs, and hopes were for nothing if I chose one path over another?

How would I feel if my future children felt this way?

Is it our ultimate purpose in life to just... be happy?

"Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." -- 2 Nephi 2: 25

Ugh. This time of life is so exciting. Don't you just love being a twentysomething?

I would LOVE some opinions.... What do YOU think about 'fulfilling the measure of our creation' ???

A Child's Prayer...

I was babysitting my nephew, Monkey, for a while this morning. We were playing peek-a-boo (a classic... no matter what anyone says!) on the couch when he started to fold his arms. Monkey has a special, 18-month-old way to fold his arms when we pray over food or bedtime, and sometimes he will spontaneously get into position in the middle of the day. When he does we just indulge him with a quick vocal prayer.

That's what we did this morning. He folded his arms in front of me, I said a short (but heartfelt) prayer. He folded his arms again. I prayed again. This happened five times before Monkey was satisfied with our communication.

Children are so close to the spirit.

He just barely left Heavenly Father. He must miss his heavenly home, and at 18 months old recognize that he feels closer to it when he offers a prayer. No wonder he likes to pray so often...

Before I left my mission my mission president relayed a story about a returned missionary who complained that he didn't feel the spirit the same way as he had on his mission. His old mission president asked if that RM prayed as often as a civilian as he had as a missionary (I counted... I offered 9 prayers before 10:30 am for completely different purposes...). The RM said he did not, and his leader's advice was to start praying more often.

I feel lucky to have had a boyfriend who also served as a constant reminder to pray. We would often talk late at night (long-distance + a 2-hour time difference = a lot of falling asleep on the phone), and when I'd become tired he would interrupt our conversation to ask if I'd yet said my nightly prayers and done my scripture study. If the answer was no, we would get off the phone so we could each take our time to express our appreciation and needs to Heavenly Father. I know this simple exercise makes a huge difference in the spirituality I feel on a daily basis, yet is one I know is easy to forgo. Why? I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful people who remind me how important it is.

My nephew's reminder to pray always was exactly what I needed. I don't understand why, but when I tried falling asleep last night I felt really bad. I can't explain it-- I never feel that way-- something was just wrong. Which mostly left me really perplexed!


As Monkey and I repeatedly prayed together this morning I made them more and more sincere. I honestly asked Heavenly Father to help us, to guide us with His spirit, and help us feel His love and be good children. I even started to feel better! I am so grateful for this little boy's reminder to pray always. As the priesthood leader had counciled his RM, praying often can be the difference between our most spiritual selves and our... not... so spiritual selves. Do not forget that He is there-- worthy of our constant gratitude and willing to help our fears and weaknesses! Even in the middle of the day :)

Afterward, Monkey climbed off the couch and struggled to carry his family's beautiful Book of Mormon off the coffee table to me :) Sign??? (No, J-Boy, I'm not 'Wicked and adulterous!' )

Let's take a note from the children-- those closest to the spirit-- and follow their example.

Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.

-- Doctrine and Covenants 90:24