I am a perfectionist. After growing up the youngest in a family of 4 amazing siblings and an independent mother, it took me a while to figure out how to shine among them. I wanted my own "things" and worked hard to make myself known. Now, as an adult, I've gotten used to achieving desired results with mediocre effort. To be honest, when something is really hard for me I get so uncomfortable I usually just walk away. Hmm... I didn't realize I did that....
So, this summer Ben and I decided I should try running my own business designing and cutting vinyl decals for home decor. It's something I really love doing, and running my own business is fun, but it's also been a lesson in humility. I have finally come to admit I can't do it by myself.
Running a business requires a lot of internet help. I run
an idea blog which took months to design, a Facebook page I
just created, and a
website for my store. The problem is I do not understand technology very much and simply can't do those things on my own.
Yesterday I was trying to redesign my store website on my own, and, after
hours and hours of effort of getting nowhere and actually deleting two websites (accidentally), I finally broke down and called Ben at work, frustrated and crying. He told me to stop working, go to a new room of the house, and do something to take my mind off the business.
I did, and when he came home he said:
"You know, I don't think setting up a website is something you should do. It's asking you to start a new project on step 26 before understanding and learning the basics."
"That's so true. I can do every other thing. I can even modify the website for how I want it to look if someone else can at least set it up and show me what to do!"
A couple hours later...
Ben: "I figured out how to change the things you wanted. It wasn't very hard, it just took some time to figure out where to start."
Me: "Oh I'm sure it was simple... I'm just an idiot."
Ben: "Don't say that."
Me: "You're right. I am a daughter of God, and I shouldn't disrespect myself like that."
It occurred to me that I was made in the sight of God with particular talents and abilities. He also created Ben and everyone else with their own special gifts. I believe a gift of mine is the passion and vision to run this business, and a gift of Ben's is to understand technology so we can actually do it. Together, we make a pretty good pair. If I were good at everything on my own, I wouldn't need Ben so much. But marriage is meant to complete two people.
We all need each other, because there is always someone who can pick up where we leave off. I know this seems like a simple concept, but it's one that I just had shoved in my face. I feel so much better being able to admit that designing a website is something I tried to figure out, but really need help with, and to realize that that doesn't diminish the things I
can do.